AMMEX’s Newest Gloves Are Out of This World

KENT, Washington, April 1, 2023—Today, AMMEX Corp. launched a new lineup of disposable gloves that will help you protect you in the most unusual situations. These gloves are the result of a research and development project spanning 35 years. They will protect you in environments ranging from the office to the garage to outer space.

“These gloves are unlike anything else on the market,” says AMMEX Chief Marketing Officer Andre Chernih. “They will revolutionize the way people view and use disposable gloves.

“All of our product testing confirms what our R&D team knew all along: These gloves will transform the expectations of our customers,” Chernih says. “No longer will they be content with mere nitrile, vinyl, or latex gloves.”

And now, to the products!

AMMEX’s orange and green nitrile gloves are fantastic in dark environments because their colors really stand out. But do these high-visibility, safety-conscious colors sometimes clash with your outfit? In that case, you need Invisi-Gloves™. They’re inspired by technology similar to the 2020 film starring Elisabeth Moss, but instead of making the user invisible, the gloves disappear once donned. That means even though you enjoy top-notch protection, you can still see your hands (and that new manicure)!

Ever get involved in a job that requires all your attention, but you suddenly need a glove change? It used to mean walking over to the toolbox or wall dispenser, pulling out a fresh pair, and switching out. Now, there are Hover Gloves™: These amazing gloves are always hovering near you, ready to don.

Do you fear abduction by space aliens? Have you noticed UFOs (or, as they now call them, UAPs) flying around your neighborhood? Then you need our most exciting new product, Space Gloves™. Made in conjunction with NASA, they use components excavated from the 1947 Roswell UFO crash site to repel space aliens. Just think if Mulder and Scully of “The X-Files” had access to these gloves—they would have conquered that alien takeover for sure!

Need a hand? We got you covered!

Ever wish you had three (or four) hands when working on a project? We sure have. So we made Give ’Em a Hand Gloves™. These animatronic hands—swathed in the finest premium-grade nitrile—will join in when you need somebody to hold that air filter housing for just a minute. Fully voice activated, they work with our phone app to provide a hand when you need one.

The next time you’re in a heated disagreement, either in the boardroom or the barroom, and you feel like it’s going poorly for you, take the aggressive approach: Throw-Down Gloves™. These sturdy disposables—styled to look like gauntlets of yore—are ready to serve your alpha-dog needs. Go retro for the future! Also available: jousting lances, for when the argument goes too far for mere insults.

During the pandemic, people used anything for gloves—plastic bags, paper bags, old T-shirts. No longer! Now, with Chia Pet Gloves™, you can grow ’em at home! These remarkable creations, which will be ready for distribution in Q4 of 2023, spring up from the Chia Pet® terra cotta statue of your choice. Just pluck one when you’re in need, and they are ready for action! (Requires Chia Pet® figurine, sold separately.)

Finally—and we mean this most sincerely—have a happy April 1, from all of us at AMMEX.

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